The holidays can be difficult when the death of a loved one is recent. Holidays force us to realize how much our lives have been changed by the loss of our loved one. A year ago my eldest brother died. His death is extra hard for me as he was the third of my brothers to die young. Grieving is a unique experience for each person. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
So how does one cope? It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season after the death of a loved one. The key to coping with grief is to pace yourself, plan ahead, and get support from other people. Here are some tips that you might find helpful.
- When grief comes, treat it like an unwelcome visitor. Grief comes in waves, acknowledge the grief when it comes calling, allow yourself to grieve and experience all the emotions that come up for a brief period. Then let it go and send grief out the door.
- Be gentle with yourself and set realistic expectations. Don’t overcommit. You don’t have to go to every holiday event or activity. When you do go to an activity, have an exit strategy – have someone drive you there and ask him/her to take you home when you’re ready.
- Ask for help if you need it. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is growth in the face of tragedy.
- Create new traditions or rituals that honor your loved ones. As I write this I’m honoring my brother by listening to Pinoy Rock music! Shoutout to Finding Zonko Music! Listening to the bands he loved is my new tradition. He lived and breathed rock and roll. Preparing your loved one’s favorite dish is another way to honor your loved one’s memory.
- Journaling daily. Journal thoughts of gratitude about your loved one and current things in your life. So when you feel down, you can read these gems and realize how sweet life is.
- Shop efficiently. Save yourself from the added stress of crowds by shopping online, by phone or by catalog.
- Get enough sleep. According to the Journal of Sleep, 7 hours daily is recommended for adults. The body (and the mind) heals better when it’s rested.
- Take care of yourself, exercise regularly and get some sunshine. Boost your happy hormones. Avoid using alcohol to self-medicate.
- Meditate or pray daily. Prayer and meditation are great sources of strength and renewal.
- Service to others. Draw comfort by doing something nice for someone, make a donation or volunteer at a charity organization.
- Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Be with people who bring a positive energy and draw support from them. Share your memories or look at old photo albums.
- Talk to a friend or loved one about how you feel. And if you feel you’re stuck and can’t seem to carry on, seek professional help from a therapist or grief counselor.